


Unsteady

by techieturnover



Category: Black Sails
Genre: 4 + 1, Drabbles, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post canon, Pre Canon, i am vaguely aware there is supposed to be a fifth but idc, just james having a lot of feelings and then thomas having some, more sap, sap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-10
Updated: 2020-01-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:27:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22194781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/techieturnover/pseuds/techieturnover
Summary: 4 times James was unsure and Thomas helped him, and one time James returned the favor
Relationships: Captain Flint | James McGraw/Thomas Hamilton
Comments: 9
Kudos: 68





	Unsteady

(1)

It had been on a whim that James had told Thomas would take him sailing. He had only been half serious - a lord had no business on a ship, particularly a Navy ship. 

But, in what James is coming to learn is typical of Thomas, once he has an idea in his head it isn’t likely to leave and that is how he finds himself on a small schooner with Thomas Hamilton. He’s felt odd since they left the docks - nervous in a way he can’t explain at the circumstance of being alone with Thomas. 

Well. Perhaps he can explain it, he thinks as the sun catches Thomas’ hair and turns it the color of burnished gold. Perhaps he knows exactly the reason. 

He shakes his head and starts pointing out the different functions of things - grabbing onto anything that will keep his attention from their proximity, from his swiftly over-developing feelings. He’s so focused that he doesn’t notice Thomas staring until he looks up and finds they are mere inches apart.

Thomas look him in the eye and for a moment James swears there is something like knowing intent in his eyes. 

Then Thomas stumbles and without thinking James reaches out, grabbing his shoulders as Thomas’ hands fly in an attempt to steady himself. They end up somewhat tangled as Thomas regains his balance and James is suddenly very aware of Thomas’ breath on his face and hands on his neck. Their eyes lock again and James can feel his face heating, he prays it isn’t visible under the flush of the sun. 

“Are you all right, my lord?” He pulls back, pushing the momentary want down. 

“I suppose that’s a lesson to me to pay attention to where I’m going.” Thomas says with a crooked smile, and the damn flush returns. 

The rest of the forray continues without incident but for the next days and weeks his mind will return to the look Thomas had given him, periodically, until the evening that Alfred Hamilton comes to visit.

\----------------------  
(2)

“You truly believe we can do this? That you and I can convince a nation at war to offer pardons to criminals?” 

“I think there is no limit to what you and I can achieve.” 

For a moment James is taken aback although he knows this about Thomas - that he is and forever will be an optimist. Sometimes he thinks the last argument they will ever have will be over whether or not one of them is dead. “Were that I had your confidence. I confess I sometimes lack the faith we will see it through.” 

“Can I confess something to you, James?” Thomas locks eyes with him, that unflinchingly honest and earnest gaze is as effective as any snare man ever built. “It is because of you that I have the faith that I do. You don’t indulge in flights of fancy - you are grounded entirely in reality. I know that if I’ve managed to convince you that this is the best course of action, then it cannot be an act of folly. That all I need to do is get other, otherwise reasonable men to see its merit.”

“Oh, is that all?” 

They share a laugh, short and small but fond and James’ heart knows what his mind doesn’t yet - that for Thomas’ dreams James would become Prometheus - happily stealing fire from the gods to light the world he sees. 

\----------------------  
(3)

James sits in his cabin aboard the ship carrying him to Nassau - away from Thomas and Miranda. He has never felt less at ease on the sea. Never as uncertain of his footing as he does knowing he is sailing away from them.

Without the constant beacon of Thomas’ surety James fears he will begin to doubt everything he has learned to feel while in Thomas’ presence. The thought that perhaps all of what he and Thomas have forged is wrong, that he will, when not inundated with his baser instincts, see that it truly is sinful. 

As he unpacks the few possessions he has brought with him on the voyage, James worries at this thread. In just the few moments it takes to neatly put away his uniforms and underclothes, he has convinced himself that he will return to find Thomas has come to his senses regarding their relationship, and Miranda with him. His fingers hit a hard edge and he pauses, the unfamiliar leather pulling at his curiosity. He pulls the thing out and recognizes it as a favorite book of Thomas’ - Meditations. He fondly rubs the cover, thinking of the times Thomas has argued over the meaning of the words contained within - of the times Thomas has used it to convince James of one point or another. 

He isn’t sure when but he knows Thomas must have slipped it into his bag, anticipating the exact anxiety that had just been playing out in James’ mind. 

He opens the book intending to flip to a passage he remembers, but writing on the title page catches his eye. As he reads the words, his breath catches. The ship doesn’t stop swaying, but James feels as if he’s standing on solid ground again. 

\----------------------  
(4)

Despite the sun and humidity the plantation feels more like purgatory than the hell James is expecting. He knows he could escape - easily if he wanted to - but he has given up. Every shred of strength he had is gone, now. His rebellion - his plan for Thomas’ dream to become a reality and in effect his only reason for continuing on, is dead. Now all that is left for him is to await joining it. 

They take the chains off of his wrists and he is fully prepared for disappointment. For this to be the last place he ever sees and for Thomas not to be here. He surveys the place that is to be his grave with something that feels like the cousin of despair. The fields of sugar cane, the sentries and workers - until his eyes land on an all too familiar figure standing in one of the fields.

When Thomas turns around, James thinks he might faint, or cry, or run to him, or very possibly all three. He firmly believes he has gone mad as he steps closer to the other man who has frozen in place as well, something unreadable in his eyes. He thinks he should not recognize him, but not even the changes a decade of hard living has wrought could keep him from recognizing Thomas. 

It hits him that this could be an illusion. That Thomas could not really be there at all and this is to be his true hell - to see visions of who Thomas might have been if he had lived. 

The beard is new, and Thomas is gaunt in a way he never was in London - leaner but more muscled, but these are all things James’ fevered mind could have created - he knows what starvation does to a man, and work. 

But when Thomas smiles -

Then suddenly he is in Thomas’ solid embrace again and the relief wipes any other thought out of his mind. The only fact that matters is Thomas is here, and alive, and James is not crazy and if this is to be his exile he will serve it gladly and he holds to Thomas like the lifeline he is. 

“You’re here.”

“I am. You are, too.”

\----------------------  
(1)

Thomas pauses at the edge of the plantation and James turns back to see why. The smoke and flames from the fire are far enough back but James knows the guards are also out somewhere, trying to keep as many of the men from escaping as possible. 

They have to leave, but Thomas is not moving.

“Thomas? What is it?” 

When Thomas looks up at him, James understands. There is a fear there he’s seen in men before, although never in Thomas. Their first time going over the side, the first time with a bullet wound. It’s a mortal fear of the unknown, not of death, but of what path one might take to get there. 

Something in his chest tightens. 

He has long since stopped comparing the man Thomas is now to the one he knew years ago. They are both so different the comparison often inspires more frustration than guidance. But still he knows Thomas has the strength to overcome his fear if only he can call the ghost of that man back for a moment. James comes back beside Thomas and gently takes his hand but holds it firmy. He sees Thomas’ eyes drift downwards, then back up. 

“You give me my strength, and I will be yours,” he says, and when their eyes meet again something shifts in Thomas’ gaze. The fear is still there, but so is the thing that James years ago had come to recognize as something innately Thomas - surety. Absolute faith that they, together, can do anything. 

As they step forward, there is no hesitation in either of their strides.

**Author's Note:**

> Uhhhh yeah I got bored and started listening to a lot of sad songs so THERE YA GO
> 
> Soundtrack for this is, of course, ‘Unsteady’ by the X Ambassadors
> 
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